Top ten lists from ‘St. Davids Live’

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“St. Davids Live,” hosted by Lissa Halls Johnson and Bob Hostetler and produced by Jim Watkins, featured ten top lists provided by the “studio audience.”

Top Ten Signs You May Be a Writer

10. In high school, you were the kid who actually enjoyed writing term papers

9. Your favorite places to shop are discount book stores and office supply outlets

8. You’ve ever gotten so busy writing you forgot to pick up the kids at school

7. You’re standing in line at midnight for the latest Webster’s New World College Dictionary

6. You’ve ever been caught at the library sniffing books

5. You’ve maxed out your credit card to attend this conference

4. Your bumper sticker reads, “I’d rather be writing”

3. You proofread letters and emails from friends

2. You send them back with corrections

1. You cannot not write!


Top Ten Signs You Write Speculative Fiction

10. The door to your pantry is a portal to another world

9. You can’t go anywhere without your pet dragon

8. Your kids are named Luke, Leia and Han

7. Whenever you go out, you wear your hooded cloak

6. You miss your turnpike exit because you’re imagining a world without roads

5. You have created a potion to banish writer’s block

4. You can you turn back time to get better television programs

3. Some of your Facebook friends live in other galaxies

2. You are two-timing your boyfriend with his clone

1. You start all your conversations with “What if . . .”


Top Ten Worst Book Titles

10. Humble and Proud of It

9. Hair Care by Donald Trump, foreword by Kim Jong-un

8. Cooking with Pooh

7. The Bob Hostetler Workout Manual

6. The Good, the Bad, the Snuggly

5. All the Places You’ll Scratch and Sniff

4. Everything I Know About Women I Learned from My Tractor

3. Larry the Leper Needs a Hand

2. Left Behind in the Purpose-Driven Shack

1. Ventriloquism for Dummies


Top Ten Signs You’re a Romance Author

10. The plumber, pool man and paper boy are all potential protagonists

9. You deduct as business expenses candles, wine, and Victoria’s Secret purchases

8. You move in slow motion to the music in your head whenever you meet an attractive man.

7. Your wardrobe consists of long skirts and laced up blouses

6. You cry at Hallmark commercials

5. Your children are named Scarlet, Catherine, Jane, Heathcliff and Darcy.

4. You have a life-size cut-out of Fabio

3. Your favorite book in the Bible is Song of Solomon

2. You are on your sixth marriage

1. Your trembling fingertips nervously, tentatively touch with anticipation your keyboard